This is a safe place to think things through without all my crazy friends freaking out and sending mass messages or comments or such about how worried they are about my soul and well being and happiness etc.
My dreams have been so scattered lately, with out a real direction or purpose. I'm used to having some type of a storyline.
Maybe it's because I feel like a liar and a hypocrite. I'm being a different person around different people. I don't want people to find what I think and how I really feel. It's hard when worried about what others are feeling or thinking. Sometimes I wonder what to do. To come completely truthful to my church friends? To stop seeing my non-church friends? To go where I really want to? There are so many questions and none of them help me to move forward. I guess running away to Mexico still sounds like a great fix all. But who said I was going to take the easy way out, no matter how tempting.
I guess the only reason I don't feel like a complete liar is because I am very careful about how I word things. It's all about the semantics, but one day I will have to be honest. I don't look forward to that day and so I will live for today and worry about that later, if ever.
I have to figure this out myself. Where do I want to go, how far do I want to go, what is my dream/future, where does my heart/spirit lie, will I fulfill my desire?