Not remembering

I haven't been recording my dreams lately. I used to keep a pen and paper by my pillow and would jot things down when I awoke. Now I wake up, remember the dream and then roll over, telling myself that I wont forget. By the time I get up, I've forgotten. I did the same last night but remember a couple key concepts that I'm going to jot down anyways. [oh and I really need to be careful with drinking too much mountain dew. It's delicious and addicting, but not good for you.]

~dream~ Tina and I went in together on an appartment complex. (I really wish I remember this part because Tina would love to hear about it.)

I turned a castle into some other building, like city buildings or something and had this guy fooled but then something happened and the power wore off and you could see it for what it really is. [or maybe it was the other way around, other buildings into a castle, I don't remember)

The rest had to do with being a prisoner. Hunting down my brothers for some underground group. and I don't remember anymore.

[shame on me, I'm choosing extra sleep above my dreams and I'm still just as tired when I get up in the morning.]

Reason for my scattered dreams

This is a safe place to think things through without all my crazy friends freaking out and sending mass messages or comments or such about how worried they are about my soul and well being and happiness etc.

My dreams have been so scattered lately, with out a real direction or purpose. I'm used to having some type of a storyline.

Maybe it's because I feel like a liar and a hypocrite. I'm being a different person around different people. I don't want people to find what I think and how I really feel. It's hard when worried about what others are feeling or thinking. Sometimes I wonder what to do. To come completely truthful to my church friends? To stop seeing my non-church friends? To go where I really want to? There are so many questions and none of them help me to move forward. I guess running away to Mexico still sounds like a great fix all. But who said I was going to take the easy way out, no matter how tempting.

I guess the only reason I don't feel like a complete liar is because I am very careful about how I word things. It's all about the semantics, but one day I will have to be honest. I don't look forward to that day and so I will live for today and worry about that later, if ever.

I have to figure this out myself. Where do I want to go, how far do I want to go, what is my dream/future, where does my heart/spirit lie, will I fulfill my desire?

Nope

I can't believe it, no dreams last night. That has to be the first night in a long, long time. I don't always remember them or take the time to record them, but I always wake up knowing they are there.

I had trouble sleeping last night, hmmmmmm wonder why...but even so I woke up without the slightest twinge of a dream. Nothing. I don't know if to be sad or relieved or shocked or what. "It's a gift and a curse" as Monk would always say.